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Between sexuality nazis, selective rule followers and compulsive oversimplifiers why don't we just kill EVERYBODY?

11/21/2011

When David Cameron declared that the UK would be withholding aid from nations that did not reform their anti-gay legislation I completely missed the point! The sexuality of others has never been an issue for me, because, truth be told, I don't find human beings interesting enough to care what consenting adults do in private or even (within reason) in public, for that matter, and I am too aware of Cameron's previous strongly anti-gay position to believe this declaration is anything more than some sort of political power play. So, I admit (unashamedly), that the issue of gay rights never even crossed my mind, what I responded to was the fact that I am tired of these fucked up (self declared) first world nations dictating to what they clearly see as "turd" world nations what we should and shouldn't be doing, especially since they can't even manage their own frigging domestic affairs.

It was only when the sexuality Nazis (those spiritually and intellectually evolved souls who admonish us as a society to "kill a buller"* because "all botty boy must die!)" and social commentators weighed in on various sides of the issue that it began to dawn on me what the real issue was... and even then I didn't quite get it. I misguidedly wondered what it was that had so upset the sexuality Nazis, after all (I thought) intelligent grown up human beings ought to know that you don't have to approve of everybody to live in the world with them, I mean I don't approve of women wearing weaves or men wearing white dress shoes... I don't feel the need to "bun fyah" on these people or to deny them their basic human rights... I just don't wear weaves or white dress shoes... it seemed fairly simple to me... if you don't approve of "bulling"... don't "bull"... I realise now that I had missed the point... yet again!

At this juncture I should point out that I am not "pro gay" I know a lot of gay people and some of them are assholes, I've always thought it a bit odd to decide if I was for or against an individual based on a generalised trait such as sexuality. I am not "pro hetero" either because I know even more heterosexual people and a lot of them are (quite frankly) gay! ... I can't even say I am pro human because I know more human beings than I know homosexuals and heterosexuals combined and I find them, largely, to be intolerant and inhuman. What I am is pro peace and quiet and I find this never-ending discussion about our intolerance both ridiculous and annoying and I want it to fucking stop!

Speaking of the ridiculous, my first hint as to what the issue really was, came when I read BC Pires' (I never know where the apostrophe goes on names ending with S) column in which he declared that he rejects the bible in toto and seemed to imply that if the bible was taken out of the equation there wouldn't even be a need for the gay rights discussion. That may well be true, but, since the bible is central to a lot of the ideas that people have about homosexuality BC has essentially managed to make a non-point.

It is the above realisation (that the bible cannot be taken out of the discussion) that forced me to finally "see the light" (so to speak). The gay rights discussion has NEVER really been about gay rights it has always been about the divine and infallible word of god and we heretics and atheist need to accept that! As such I find myself having no other choice than to proclaim that... (wait for it!) .... The Gay Bashers are right!!!

It is god's law (Leviticus 20:13 to be precise) that most sexuality Nazis are referencing when they say that homosexuals must not be given the right to conduct their sexual lives in peace... it's in the bible (which we all know is an infallible document) and to go against the bible (which is perfect) is akin to blasphemy (which according to the bible is punishable by death) so that is end of the discussion... Except that it's really not! Leviticus 20:13 actually states that homosexuals should be put to death (read it for yourselves I won't be quoting scriptures as I am not worthy) and if the bible (which is above question) says so then it must be so! I can feel some of the sexuality nazis out there smiling proudly at the fact that they have a new convert... but hang on I actually read Leviticus and I discovered in excess of one hundred and twenty laws in there (funny how that never comes up), I further discovered that in addition to Leviticus there are four other books of law in the (written for all cultures and all times) bible: Genesis, Exodus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. I also discovered that the bible (which must not be added to or subtracted from... as it is perfect and complete) has more than six hundred laws and this is not including the ten commandments nor edicts of Jesus, which must also be considered as they are in the bible (and the bible is... well you get it by now).

As a child I was always told by my parents (who the bible says you must honour at all times... or be put to death) that you must never half do things so if we are following biblical law let's FOLLOW biblical law and according to biblical law homosexuals are only one group in a long list of people who need to be put to death! The death list is also not confined to Leviticus and some of the death list is contextually implicit (may those who have eyes... see who to kill). So in order to help you properly follow the law I have compiled a "biblical hit list", as it were, so that you can know who you are duty bound to kill... be advised though that the list is not complete as I have omited some of the interpretive "hits". The onus is on you to read the bible and get the full hit list for your damned self but at least you can read this list and get to killing!
Leviticus 20:9 says to kill anyone who curses their parent. (I guess we're killing most teenagers)
Leviticus 20:10 says to kill anyone who cheats on their spouse (and the person they cheat with)
Leviticus 20:11 says to kill a man who sleeps with his fathers wife (and the fathers wife)
Leviticus 20:14 says if a man sleeps with his wife and her mother all three must be killed (or more specifically burned to death)
Leviticus 20:15-16 says anyone sleeping with an animal must be killed (including the animal)
Leviticus 20:27 says Psychics wizards and anyone dealing with astrology should be stoned to death (so all of you horoscope reading fuckers...sorry!)
Leviticus 21:9 says that a priests daughter who is a whore should be burned to death (how specific is that?)
Leviticus 24:14-16 says that anyone cursing or blaspheming god should be stoned to death by their community (this could be a family outing)
Deuteronomy 13:5 says to kill anyone who has an anti god dream or makes an anti god prophesy as well as anyone who tries to turn you from god. (oops)
Deuteronomy 13:6-10 says to kill anyone, including family, who dares to suggest that you worship another god.
Deuteronomy 13:12-15 says if you discover a city that worships another god... kill everybody... including the animals (murder tourism, this could be big)
Deuteronomy 17:2-7 says to kill anyone with a different religion (So Rastas should kill Methodists should kill Catholics should kill Jews should kill Moslems should kill... etc athiest you don't believe in the bible but you should probably just kill all religious people so they can't kill you first)

Ok then, I'm getting tired so I'll wrap up with these thoughts, those moderate Christians who purport that god is love and that we should love and tolerate each other are implying that we disregard gods' law which is akin to blasphemy so we need to kill them! The bible (which is infallible) says "the wages of sin is death!" and in the spirit of oversimplification we will take that to mean physical death so all sins are punishable by death! Jesus said that thinking about doing a thing is akin to doing it (and that is a SUPERTRUTH because Jesus said it and Jesus is god and god is never wrong and it's in the bible and the bible is infallible) so if you've ever thought about any of these things we have to kill you! And the bible says "thou shalt not kill" so we'll have to kill the killers and then we'll have to kill the killers of the killers and then.....

This is the solution, because then you homophobic fucking idiots won't have to worry about gay people because they'll all be dead, and I won't have to listen to your homophobic vitriolic bullshit because you'll all be dead, and no one will have to read my offensive blog because I'll be dead (yeah at least I have enough sense to know that you can't walk around suggesting that human beings don't deserve to live and expect to be treated with respect) and then everybody will be dead and there will be peace on earth HALLELUJAH!!!

Nala (The $2 Philosopher)

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